Staying Busy

The NICU took this pic of Brody with his teddy bear for me. Its just so cute.

I believe one thing people go through after losing a child is the wide range of emotions. I know I have mentioned this on many different occasions, but it is a very odd feeling. Thankfully, I have Nancy who has been there before and let me know that I am not crazy.

I spent a lot of time this week feeling angry, an emotion I haven't really felt until lately. I started therapy this past week, and I was so excited to sit down and talk with someone about everything, and it wasn't at all what I had expected. So I was angry at that. I was angry that there are horrible people in this world that never have to experience this sadness that I do. I was angry at God. I think He had this wonderful opportunity to show people his ability to perform miracles, and He didn't. I just don't understand that.

I have also spent a lot of time being thankful for the things in life that Brody helped me to realize in his short life. I realize now what amazing parents I have. My mom has really done everything in her power to help get me through. There was a period of time when my mom was in Florida with my sister when I was up here in the hospital, and my dad had to be there for me. He drove to St. V's almost every day to keep me company. I feel like through all of this I really got to see who my dad is for the first time. He was really there for me when my mom wasn't able to be, and I will always remember that. I'm also thankful for Jeremy. After finding out about my pProm, Jeremy and I had to lean on eachother like never before. Brody showed us what was inportant in life, and that has done nothing but make us stronger than ever.

Another thing I have figured out (from Nancy) is that the best way to get through the day is to stay busy. I have probably mopped my floor 10 times in the last week. I do puzzles all the time. I have painted my kitchen, even spray painted my fridge! I painted a picture for my bathrrom too. I watched my friend Linday's kids one day, and I even substitute taught on Friday.

As far as physically, I am doing pretty good! My recovery from my c-section was far easier than I thought it would be. (a bikini cut by the way!) I figured my body would have a hard time recovering due to the fact that I had been on bedrest for so long, but it didn't. My scar is barely visible, and only hurts occasionaly now. From my belly-button to my incision is still numb which is so annoying. I am still anemic from the massive amount of blood I lost from the night Brody was born. Women are supposed to be either a 12-14 and after I had Brody I was at a 7.4. One week Later I was only up to an 8. They usually do blood transfusions when you go under an 8. I have to get blood drawn again today to see if I have gotten any better. I have to take iron pills now, and I try to eat more red meat because that helps as well. All-in-all I'm doing well.