Saturday, December 6, 2008

Staying Busy

The NICU took this pic of Brody with his teddy bear for me. Its just so cute.

I believe one thing people go through after losing a child is the wide range of emotions. I know I have mentioned this on many different occasions, but it is a very odd feeling. Thankfully, I have Nancy who has been there before and let me know that I am not crazy.

I spent a lot of time this week feeling angry, an emotion I haven't really felt until lately. I started therapy this past week, and I was so excited to sit down and talk with someone about everything, and it wasn't at all what I had expected. So I was angry at that. I was angry that there are horrible people in this world that never have to experience this sadness that I do. I was angry at God. I think He had this wonderful opportunity to show people his ability to perform miracles, and He didn't. I just don't understand that.

I have also spent a lot of time being thankful for the things in life that Brody helped me to realize in his short life. I realize now what amazing parents I have. My mom has really done everything in her power to help get me through. There was a period of time when my mom was in Florida with my sister when I was up here in the hospital, and my dad had to be there for me. He drove to St. V's almost every day to keep me company. I feel like through all of this I really got to see who my dad is for the first time. He was really there for me when my mom wasn't able to be, and I will always remember that. I'm also thankful for Jeremy. After finding out about my pProm, Jeremy and I had to lean on eachother like never before. Brody showed us what was inportant in life, and that has done nothing but make us stronger than ever.

Another thing I have figured out (from Nancy) is that the best way to get through the day is to stay busy. I have probably mopped my floor 10 times in the last week. I do puzzles all the time. I have painted my kitchen, even spray painted my fridge! I painted a picture for my bathrrom too. I watched my friend Linday's kids one day, and I even substitute taught on Friday.

As far as physically, I am doing pretty good! My recovery from my c-section was far easier than I thought it would be. (a bikini cut by the way!) I figured my body would have a hard time recovering due to the fact that I had been on bedrest for so long, but it didn't. My scar is barely visible, and only hurts occasionaly now. From my belly-button to my incision is still numb which is so annoying. I am still anemic from the massive amount of blood I lost from the night Brody was born. Women are supposed to be either a 12-14 and after I had Brody I was at a 7.4. One week Later I was only up to an 8. They usually do blood transfusions when you go under an 8. I have to get blood drawn again today to see if I have gotten any better. I have to take iron pills now, and I try to eat more red meat because that helps as well. All-in-all I'm doing well.


Jennifer said...

I so admire your strength and honesty. Thank you again for the website link to pProm.

Nancy Dolan said...

Oh Abby...what an amazing person you are. This world is so lucky that there is an Abby McElrath. Thank you for being my friend. Now, on to another topic...Painted your refrigerator? Wow, I'm impressed...I never thought of that one. :) Love, Nancy

Tami said...

Abby -
I'm so proud of you but, more importantly, I know that Brody is so proud of his mommy. He is the luckiest little boy to have a mommy that loved him so much that she risked her own life so he could have a chance to live. He is so loved and missed!

Rashel and A.D. said...


You are such a great person, and such a great writer..had me in tears! There is another blog out there I follow with a somewhat similar story and she has done some things to help her cope that may be helpful. Her blog is I've found it to be uplifting and it inspires me to be a better person. Shes also a therapist, so maybe that is why :). Anyways, have a good week, I love and miss you!