Friday, November 28, 2008

Keeping it going...

Although Brody didn't make it, I am going to keep the blog going. Doing the blog is kind of like therapy for me, so expect a post at least once a week! It is nice to be able to get across my thoughts and feelings and let everyone know where I am coming from. I am so blessed that people were able to check in on Brody's progress and root for him like we were rooting for him. People were able to see that he was an actual person with a personality and all, not just a fetus to be disregarded.
I know that many people feel awkward around us not knowing what to say or how to act, so I thought I would let you know what helps me deal. Know that I LOVE to talk about Brody. I could talk about him all day. Like any mother, you want the whole world to know about your precious baby, so please- bring him up in conversation, let me talk about him and my experiences, I enjoy it. I am a mom without a baby to take care of, so talking about him is all I got. Know that I am grieving still, every minute is different. One minute I am at such peace, and the next minute I am asking "why me?" I may not always answer phone calls depending on the time, but know that the cards, calls, and facebook messages help me out so much. Thanks to all.
I am a part of an online group filled with other pPROM queens (yep-thats what we call ourselves!), some have had happy outcomes, others have lost their babies like me. One woman emailed a wonderful poem to the group, so thats how I will close this out:

My Mom is a Survivor

My Mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her cry at night,
When all others are in bed.

I watch her lay awake at night
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.

But like the sands on the beach
that never wash away,
I watch over my surviving mom,
who thinks of me each day.

She wears a smile for others,
a smile of disguise.
But through Heaven's door
I see tears flowing from her eyes.

My mom tries to cope with death
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows
it's her way to survive.

As I watch over my surviving mom
through Heaven's open door.
I try to tell her
that angels protect me forever more.

I know that doesn't help her,
or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her
and show her that you care.

For no matter what she says,
no matter what she feels,
my surviving mom has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.

4 comments:

Jennifer said...

I'm started following your story not very long ago. I too had pPROM. Brody is lucky to have you as his mom! How can I become part of your support group. I tried to do a search but wasn't able to find it. My email is menbre637@aol.com. Thanks a bunch and I can't wait to hear more about your little man and your experience.
Jennifer

Nancy Dolan said...

Abby,
"My Mom is a Survivor" poem is one that I have up on the wall in Brad's room. That poem just sums it all up...doesn't it? It is so true. We're here for you and Jeremy...let us know if we can do anything for you. You just keep on telling the world about your "little guy" and how proud you are of him. Love, Nancy

ANGEL76 said...

Abby,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am Cindy's sister
(i.e. Cindy = Dollie's daughter-in-law). My Mom is a survivor... and so am I. My twin brother, Mark, died within a few hours of his birth (32 years ago). Mark and I were born a month early and his lungs were not fully developed among other complications. I still grieve and ask many questions. Little Brody is a mighty warrior just like Mark. May you continue to share your light of hope and courage with others.
Cheers,
Angela

Carly Nicole Elliotte My Micro Preemie said...

I just read your blog for the first time today. As you posted on my blog about my angel baby Hannah. I have lost 2 daughters just this year. And I know how much it helps to talk about your children who are gone. We as mothers still LOVE to brag just as any other mother. I pray that God gives you the peace, strength, and courage to make it though each and every day! I'm always around if you wanna talk!
In Christ,
Rachel

carlynhannah.yahoo.com