Doubly Blessed

Blissfully ignorant. It is a phrase that I have used before to describe how the majority of women go through pregnancies. That is how I was until 21 weeks pregnant. I still stuggle when I see pregnant women, or women with infants. To me, they don't even realize what a precious gift they have. BUT today I found out of an amazing couple that finally got their precious gift, twice.

As rare as pProm is, my cousin Marc's wife Wynn also suffered from this condition while pregnant with their son Owen. Unfortunately he only lived for five hours, but this broadened my mother's knowledge of the condition, which in the end, helped me realize that I did NOT have to terminate Brody.

After losing Owen, Marc and Wynn decided to adopt. Along the road they suffered many different dissapointments. Times when they thought they would bring a baby home, circumstances prohibited this. FINALLY they were just blessed to adopt twins :) They now have a boy and a girl at home, which I know they will cherish more than anything. I cant imagine what that feels like to finally have a breathing, crying, hungry child of my own to hold in my arms- they must be ecstatic!

Anyways, I felt I should share this. I couldn't be happier for Marc and Wynn and their two new blessings they finally got to bring home.

A Rainy Trip to Florida

Riley holding on to his cousin Brody's bear.

After completing a highly anticipated trip to Florida, I am currently on my flight home with my mom. Now don’t get too worried- I’m typing in word, then will copy and paste later on. Our time there was wonderful, but rainy. We had one sunny day the entire time there, but it was never actually warm enough to put a bathing suit on and get a tan. Other than that I had a blast! I was very nervous and apprehensive about going at first. Since Brody’s passing I have relied so heavily on Jeremy for emotional support, so I was very worried that I would not be able to make it a week without him. He has learned how to comfort me and handle my breakdowns, and I didn’t know how I would be able to handle it if he wasn’t there to comfort me. I was also very anxious about seeing my nephew, Riley, for the first time. Brody was born just a mere two days after Riley was, so it was very bittersweet to see him. When I found out that I was pregnant the same time as my sister, I couldn’t help but imagine our children growing up together, being the same age. So the fact that Riley was there and Brody wasn’t was very heartbreaking to me. I know though that these two had been conspiring together before they were even born, so I know that Riley has a wonderful angel that will always be watching over him. Like most “firsts” I have experienced so far, the anticipation is far worse than the actual event itself. I loved seeing Riley, holding him, making him laugh, and seeing his smile. He is adorable, and has a wonderful mother taking care of him. It is just unfortunate that they don’t live closer! L Aside from the rain, we made the most of our trip. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade- right? It was so great to spend some time with my sister and my mom- and to take my mind of the everyday stressors. What is better than shopping, nice dinners, facials, and boat trips with your mom and sister? Not much. We laughed, we cried, we gossiped- things only girls can do together. We used to be the majority in our house, and now that we are separated, we live with all men…so it’s nice to get out and do girl things every now and then. I am ready to be home now, though. I miss my family. I miss my Peanut, Kiwi, and Snickers greeting me at the door. I miss Jeremy’s hugs and comfort. I miss Layne and Chase’s unending energy and joy for life. So although I had an amazing time with my beautiful mom and sister- I’m ready to come home!

Staying inside to avoid the chilly weather...

I am very excited to get past February...the anticipation of the events in the month was almost worse than the actual days I was dreading. I got past Brody's estimated due date by visiting his grave, spending time with Lindsay, and making a cake. I know to some, making a cake for your child that has passed seems a little morbid...just be happy you can be on the other side of it. Like one of my pprom sisters likes to say...."blissfully ignorant." I am so blessed to even hold Brody, so I decided to celebrate his life with a cake.
I am not sure if any of you watched Extreme Home Makeover this past Sunday, May 1st, but it was simply amazing. It focused on a family where the mother took pictures of preemie babies with their families right after being born. Some babies were alive, some had passed, and some passed shortly after her photos. It really hit SO close to home, Jeremy and I cried the entire episode. It is nice that the world is able to see a little bit of what we went through, and how much we cherish our pictures with Brody. To watch the Augustin Family's full episode online go to http://fep.abc.go.com/fep/player?src=abccomjs&show=92244&pn=index This is a truly amazing episode, and I encourage you to watch it!
As far as everything else, it is going good! Wedding plans are going along great. Save the date- June 27th! I want to apologize to those who are not invited in advance, there is just no possible place to put everyone we want at the lake. Therefore, it is going to be mainly family invited, and no children. I know this will mean many people will not come if their children cannot come, but we just do not have the room. I had to make the choice to either have 75 people come to my wedding, or I could let 30 people come with their children. Obviously I love kids, it is just that we absolutely have no room for them at the lake. Thanks in advance for your understanding.
Also, I want to thank the people that have sponsored our March of Dimes walk so far. You are truly some amazing people! If you havent, you still have time! Check out my post below for more info.

Sponsor our March for Babies!!

Monday, February 16th was Brody's estimated due date. I have been so anxious of this date, but fortunately I have stayed extremely busy. Between substitute teaching, waitressing, and taking care of a sick puking Jeremy, I haven't had a chance to really think about things and cry. It is sort of emotionally refreshing.
I have had time, though, to sign up Jeremy, his boys, and I to walk in memory of Brody in March of Dime's March for Babies on April 26th. I love their slogan, "One day, all babies will be born healthy." They are one of the few organizations that are doing research for premature babies, and to my knowledge one of the only organizations doing research for pPROM. You have no idea how frustrating it is to have no answers about pPROM. Hopefully, someday, we will understand more through this research. This helps me a lot by doing something positive with his death by helping other babies. I urge you to please sponsor our walk by donating even a dollar to sponsor me, Jeremy, Layne, or Chase. To donate, go to : www.marchforbabies.org/teammouch We really appreciate it!

Finally an update and some good news!

I know it has been a long while since I have written, Im so sorry! I guess I just figured that everyone would stop reading once we had nothing left to root for. I was wrong! I have heard from multiple people that I need to keep writing, so I will try not to dissapoint.

Good news finally came on Brody's two month angelversary (Jan 12) when Jeremy and I got engaged! I kept thinking that he might ask me on our romantic day to the spa and out to eat at the spagetti warehouse, and then our snowboarding trip up to the lake for new years, then I thought maybe Christmas. After that I had kind of given up hope. I think he wanted to catch me off guard because he asked me on a Monday night, at the house, after we got done making homemade pizzas together. He got down on one knee and asked if I would marry him (he even said please!) I asked if he was serious, and when he said yes, I said yes! I would like to believe that this man has seen me at my all time low of my life, and he still loves me so much and wants to marry me. I have known hes the one for a while, but it was very reassuring when he would tell me how beautiful I was every day that I was on bedrest. Even when I hadnt showered for days at a time, or when I blew up like a balloon from the IV and steroids, or when my face broke out worse than an eighth grade boy! He is certainly a wonderful guy that I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with.

As far as everything else in my life, it is going fairly well. Grief is a tricky little thing that sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Amazingly I made it through the holidays with a breaze, it was when all the commotion stopped that I was a bit of a mess. I did not see that coming! I saw a quote this week that says it all about grief "You don’t get over it, you just get through it. You don’t get by it, because you can’t get around it. It doesn’t get better; it just changes. Everyday…Grief puts on a new face…." -Wendy Feireisen. I just want to really thank everyone for reading this blog and getting the word out about Brody. I really feel that through this blog people became very attatched to him and his fight for life. I miss him more and more each day, but when I hear about the people his life has touched I am just the most proud mother in the world. Even though he only lived two hours, I still look at his life as such a miracle.